Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
