I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
