He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
