That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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