Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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