Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
