I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My vagina just recognized that song.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
