This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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