I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
