I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
