I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Randomize
