My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
