About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
