cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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