Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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