dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
