with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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