I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
