I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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