ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
