She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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