I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
