I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I love you. Go after that dick
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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