We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
