I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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