i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
