there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
