The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
