I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
