Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
