I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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