It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
