That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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