Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
