can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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