I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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