My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
