just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
