I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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