My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
