Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He felt like a one man threesome
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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