i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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