does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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