I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
