so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Panties = found
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
