We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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