my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I touched a dick in church today
i believe in u and ur pee
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
