how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize