Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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