dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza†btw
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
