so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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