they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
