Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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