actually, I'm a sock model
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
