can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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