I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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