Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my being single is dangerous.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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