i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
