we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
