i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
