i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
