You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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