Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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